in shadows of presumption…

in your house of glass,

does it really matter,

the temperament of your intention?

the ambition of your consideration?

 

surely you understand closing your eyes does not absolution bring.

merely disregarding conflict –

deters nothing more than ownership of conviction.

 

at the end of the day –

when it seems the battle won –

that same still small voice will remain.

 

regardless curtains of indifference –

there will always be light shining from someone Else’s window.

and you there –

hiding –

so you presume –

in shadows that merely create contrast between the light of wrong,

and the darkness you choose to cover up the right.

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on passing through rooms of displeasure…

 

i read –

and was forever changed.

 

isn’t that the beauty of this experience called life?

the ownership of interpretation.

to understand that which moves me,

may cause no similar response in you.

 

each time i enter this room of share,

i say a prayer before touching the keys.

to imply the words are mine would be considered the most elevated evidence of tyranny.

most often,

i rather hold close the thoughts –

contain them within the rooms of my displeasure.

 

however, the holder of the latch will not comply –

and all at once –

escape…

 

and so it goes.

these words i borrow;

thoughts entertained on visits from countries i have yet to travel –

journeys un-begun.

tonight i stand upon the balcony of suppose –

gaze longingly upon the setting sun –

surrender without reluctance my care.

 

what if i wake tomorrow?

what matter will it make –

these thoughts?

perhaps upon passing,

you will linger.

just long enough to take breath.

and as quickly as your exhale,

the moment gone.

 

apropos of disengage,

your read,

will fall along the side –

random highway –

unnamed –

so all-too-soon,

forgotten…

some days, just the gate-keeper to an empty lot…

this piece for you – the abandoned one.

 

solitary confinement, it seems, in a world of (not always) smiling faces. for the you that wishes to be he, or she, or really any of the they. for just one minute of any given day, to understand feel – as much as the absence of touch.

 

this piece for you – owner of less than (it seems) enough.

shepherd without cause –

gate-keeper to an empty lot.

 

how often, in life, do we pass each other on the street –

share paths –

travel in the same direction –

yet unaware the other exists?

 

today i saw a homeless man and after the initial wave of sadness left, i found myself wondering if just maybe it was his choice? while hard to imagine life devoid of the accoutrements we deem mandatory for contentment, maybe it was his way of avoiding the pain of indifference.

 

just maybe he chose to be lost –

less painful,

than merely being – forgotten…

salvation

i know this stretch of highway well.
i’ve traveled this winding road.
the curves that lead to where darkness lives –
the no-outlets –
desperation…

i’ve been where you currently hide.
scratched my name on that same wall of sorrow.
imagined the comfort of care.
and even now, on that very ledge of contemplation –
with the wind of indifference suggesting you just let go –
become undone –
i know…
sometimes in life we find the journey too long between rests.
sometimes – too intense.
sometimes,
lonely.
but what we fail to realize,
is just how much strength we show when at our weakest.
it’s in those moments of complete despair,
those moments of uncertainty,
those moments of – fear,
that we offer up our most sincere us.
when everything that confines –
restricts –
disables –
is stripped away –
then,
and only then,
can we come to terms with what defines us.
and sometimes,
even when we wish it were not so,
we find ourselves holding hands with hope.
and as hard as we try –
despite the diligence of our no –
the perseverance of our will,
to not –
we care…

in that moment we understand the blessing.
in that perfect moment –
we appreciate the gift.
what feeling more complete than joy from pain –
smiles from tears –
accommodation of shelter –
when lost and oh so lonely –
abandoned (it seems) –
in the rain…

   just about now

and just about now,

while the stars shine and the moon is slightly less than full,

we wage wars against ourselves.

 

in this moment, instead of holding hands, we throw sparks –

rekindle flames –

ignite with fear the fires of discontent.

what will it accomplish?

this war of indifference?

 

if in the end –

when the smoke finally clears –

we find all we’ve conquered –

is good; all that remains –

draped in darkness –

sad shroud of victory worn by kings without crowns –

left only to reign over the grave of morality.

 

and so it goes…

 

and just about now,

we boast and brag of conquests made in the name of jurisprudence –

encroach upon the boundaries of right and wrong –

yet fail to comprehend the majesty of benevolence.

 

and just about – now –

while making plans to ostracize God from our concept of creation –

we fail to realize the structure of our once great society is falling down –

thin walls of faith,

collapsing in upon themselves,

weakened –

by the senseless acts –

inhumanity of man –

 

and just about now –

 

the reality of our demise is heard –

not in the roar of mighty storms –

but subtle as the exit of day –

more personal than a whisper of consolation,

from the very lips of death…

 

(and now i lay me down to sleep ,

i pray the Lord,

my soul…)

hurdles

sometimes we stand off-stage –

silent in the shadows.

waiting for the applause to quiet.

anxious for our moment.

 

what if the words we say contradict our intention?

if misunderstood,

how can we erase the indiscretion?

 

what if –

instead of allowing opportunity for exposure –

we chose to exit the auditorium –

withdraw our monologue from the arena of consideration?

 

reluctance affirms behavior of diminished trust.

to suppose confrontation with presumed disinterest,

merely solidifies the sin of assumption.

what will it matter –

in the end –

who disagreed?

 

if what we seek as punctuation for our journey is the commonality of acceptance –

then why begin?

 

as one created in the image of such a flawless creator,

how can we entertain thoughts of inadequacy?

surely the standards implied by a society lacking even a hint of morality

serve only to strengthen our purpose –

ignite the fire of our intent.

 

how amazing –

this faith.

to own license of confidence in the promise of forever.

 

regardless the temporary distraction –

hurdles of shouldn’t,

and couldn’t,

and can’t…

hourglass of our demise

 

caught up in the vortex of assume.

we place our hearts on trays of trust –

offer invitation to presentations of our self.

 

with marked deliberation –

we push the everything of all we are onto center stage –

dim the lights –

create atmosphere of intimate accommodation.

 

and there.

exposed.

wearing only the skin of our re-purposed conviction –

we promenade our is –

recite monologues of our suppose.

 

there is,

i feel,

no sorrow more defined than diminished expectation.

to strip away the layers of apprehension –

peel off the mask of reluctant –

allow access to the very essence of our was,

in hopes of finding partner on the journey to our will become –

and find,

when naked of all but our indiscretion,

the effort wasted –

could-be not an option…

 

as the curtain begins to close –

lights of life begin to dim –

we realize the absence of audience.

 

as one by one the patrons reassigned.

most often to follow adventures we cannot comprehend.

while we remain –

restrained as sand within the hourglass of our own demise.

of paper umbrellas…

today i shared a moment in time with someone broken.

in that instant –

i lost my way –

stumbled upon my journey of faith.

 

it didn’t seem fair.

i was not prepared for the discomfort of that particular truth.

 

as i made my way –

reluctantly –

away from the ledge of doubt,

i realized the purpose for this particular process.

 

trust.

five letters.

no less than doubt,

but more than fear.

how was it i found my way through the maze of my insufficiency,

yet failed in my effort to assist a friend stranded along the way through theirs?

what value –

this armor of consideration?

what purpose –

hollow declarations of intent?

without conviction,

the words become useless as paper umbrellas in the rain.

 

today i ventured outside the sanctuary of my perceive.

 

today –

i finally understood the capacity –

 

of believe…

more the vessel

what do you do when it seems faith is just too little?

with knees sore from the weight of too much commiseration.

when all the words appropriate no longer suffice.

what then?

 

much easier to carry the burden of your own misfortune,

than that of someone stumbling across your highway.

no matter the depth of compassion –

the diligence of prayer –

you just can’t find it in yourself to conquer their demons.

 

i suppose that part of the equation

was written by hands attached to hearts broken.

 

created in His image,

we struggle to just allow.

perhaps that is the reason for their discontent.

not so much to challenge them into submission –

rather to create within the stubborn of our nature

the desire to be more the vessel –

less the owner of the light…

after the curtains fall.

 

nothing new to say tonight.

dissertations of distress exhausted.

expressions of discontent folded neatly –

placed in boxes of doesn’t matter.

 

what else is there to say when the audience murmur drowns out your cries for companion?

if whispers of sadness –

prayers for communion –

are not heard above the noise of indifference-

why waste the effort in a shout?

 

regardless the anatomy of disengage –

unless attended by counsel of concern –

the effort all in vain.

 

wasted as reviews of distress –

read after the curtains fall…